Staring at the Scale

I stared at the weighing machine for a bit longer today.

The scale showed 111.9.

I have not seen the number 111 for a long, long, long time. Not for years.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

---------------------
Day 27: 111.9 kg
---------------------

Still Going Strong

Okay, okay. I know I have not posted for a long while. It was because for almost two weeks I did not lose any weight. I was stuck at the 115.X kg mark for a long time. Day after day the scale refused to drop anything below that dratted 115kg mark even though I did not cheat.

But I did not lose hope. Still kept going strong. Since I went back to work I have hardly been eating or even drinking. Would occasionally have a fruit, a pear or orange, no bananas. When I was really hungry, I would have a granola bar, but even then that was a struggle to finish. I also started to drink green tea. A cup or two a day. And when I reach home, I whad dinner but made sure I did not overeat.

And finally earlier this week, the scale started moving down again! With my previous wish of losing 10kg before I got back to work dashed, I think I am still on track to have my weight drop below 110 kg in the first month of my weight loss journey.

My clothes are feeling a bit more loose too. I can't wait for that magic 110 to appear on my scale!

---------------------
Day 20: 113.2 kg
---------------------

Dancing In The Toilet

Another day, another weight decline. :)

I used the Ketostix last night and the strip turned dark purple. I did a little dance in the toilet! Burn, fats, burn!!!!

I did not take my duromine today because my friend came to pick me up and was already waiting for me. Was hungry cos my last meal was lunch yesterday (had granola bar for dinner) but resisted temptation. Had yet another pear in the afternoon and I'll have an early dinner of soup and some fish and vegetables.

My target is to lose 8 kg before I go back to work next Thursday. I'm almost half way there. Wouldn't it be marvelous if I could go back to work below 110 kg? That would be awesome, just awesome!

---------------------
Day 4: 116.2 kg
---------------------

Thirsty, Thirsty!

Day 3 and I am still doing well. I started a week of leave and was worried that being at home will lead to more binging and bigger meals. Had a pear for breakfast and some bread and sardines for lunch. I definitely could have had more but stuck to what I thought was just under reasonable. If I was at work, I would have skipped lunch and had a granola bar.

I experienced another side-effect of Duromine today. Was quite thirsty and kept on drinking water. Last night I did not get much sleep either. I'm still sticking to one pill a day even though it is not really sending signals that I am not in the mood for food. Using my own will power instead of Duromine for now!

Now that I have completely laid off any binging, I realise how much I had depended on snacks to keep those hunger pangs away previously. I really shouldn't ignore the pangs and I know that the food that I am eating is definitely not enough to keep me full for more than several hours.

But I am going to stick to the limited food intake as long as I can. I really want to get my weight down in as short a period as possible so that it will give me encouragement to stick to the journey. When I was on panbesy a few years ago, I did not have a weighing machine. When I finally weighed myself at a doctor's office several weeks on and found out I lost 6 kg, I was really dispirited as I thought it would have been more. That was a trigger for me stopping my diet at that time. I dropped to 108 kg then, ironically, a weight I would love to be at now!

I was making plans to meet my best friend for dinner at Pizza Hut but she had something come up so we cancelled. Providence! Otherwise, I bet the scale would show a weight gain tomorrow!

But I was actually planning to drink just ice water instead of Coca-Cola, and eating less than what I usually have when we go out for pizza. I guess, I have to think long term too because I won't be able to last very long like this.

My weight has yo-yoed over the past few years, but since the last panbesy incident, it has not gone below 112 kg. The most I weighed was 121 kg.

My belief is that once I get my weight down to my target of 65-75 kg, I will never allow myself to go back to where I was at 120 kg. Although many people on the bulletin boards say they have gained all the weight that they had lost, I'm going to keep the faith that I won't be so dumb and would learn my lesson.

When I was on Atkins last year, I bought Ketostix to test for the presence of ketones in my urine. The presence of ketones means that my body is burning the existing fats for energy because my caloric intake is insufficient. There was a mild trace of ketones, which was great! I'm hoping the ketostix will turn purple soon, instead of the light pink it was today. The darker the colour means the more fats are being burned! In the words of Lady MacBeth, ``Out, out damn fats!''

Okay, am thirsty again. Till next time.

---------------------
Day 3: 117 kg
---------------------

Day 2

Yayy! I lost 1 kg on the first day of my latest and hopefully final diet. Of course I know that it is not all fat, it's probably mostly water, but it sure is an encouraging start.

I did not sleep until 4:30 a.m. yesterday. But that seems to be the only side effect I'm having. My mouth is hardly dry even after I took a pill this morning. Still have hunger pangs. I really have to learn to address these pangs. I know that the answer is not to stop eating and I know that it is not sustainable for me to do this for more than a month, as previous experience showed.

When I went on Atkins in July last year, I was good for about a month, before I starting back on carbos. So I really have to pace myself this time. It's just that I am so bad at drawing the line when it comes to food. It's either everything or nothing.

I read something useful yesterday. When I see something that I want to eat that is not good for me, I should not say "I can't have it'' but rather "I won't have it.'' That's pretty helpful.

I'm going to be on leave for the next week. It's always tough to be at home because there is nothing much to do and the tendency is to munch on something. I must resist!

---------------------
Day 2: 117.8 kg
---------------------

Day 1

Took my Duromine this morning before I left for work. I had a sleepless night and spent most of it tossing and turning. And that is even before I took the capsule! I wonder if it is a sign of things to come.

Took my weight this morning and it was 118.8 kg. I'll be taking it at the same time every morning so it should be okay. Knowing me, I'll probably be weighing myself twice a day. I'm kinda impatient!

Took a cab to work and the taxi driver just rattled on and on about how after 30 years of mariage, his wife became a "tomboy" and got into a lesbian relationship. He was enlightening me with stories on how he hit his wife's partner whenever he chanced upon her. I wondered if he was embellishing the truth a bit.

But anyway, I felt the first effects of Duromine with my mouth feeling a bit dry in the cab. When I got to work, I took a drink and the dryness did not persist. No rapid beating of my heart either, and a bit later, there was a bit of gnawing hunger in my stomach so I started on a crunchy granola bar. Did not gobble it down as I usually did, just broke off pieces.

My feeling is that if you put a plate of my favorite breakfast in front of me, I will still be able to eat it.

I've told the doctor that when I took Panbesy several years ago, I had to resort to eating two pills at a go as one defintely did not help. He said it was okay if I wanted to take two Duromine pills. I think I'll probably try one for a couple of days first and see how it goes. I really need my mind to tell my body that it is in no mood for food. Otherwise it is not going to work cos my tastebuds practice mind control if you know what I mean.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to limit on the snacks too. No more M&Ms. No more chips. And I'm going to go easy on the carbos as well, especially rice. Proteins are my friends! I like the granola bars which are made by Nature Valley and freely available at the office pantry. They are crunchy and actually taste good.

Okay, that's it for the morning. Au revoir till tomorrow.

---------------------
Day 1: 118.8 kg
---------------------

Time to Lose Weight - Again!

I went to the doctor two days ago to find yet another solution to losing weight. This time, I'm going back to something that worked in the past. Appetite suppresants.

The doctor prescribed me with Duromine, a suppresant that is stronger than one I took a few years ago. I'm hoping that this time it will work. As usual, with all my other weight loss journeys, I am determined to see this to the end. I've said it all before. I'm hoping that this time it will work. Hmm, so determined I said it twice. :)

Anyway, this blog will chart and illustrate my journey of me being a loser to be a winner. I found some cool ideas from another blog of a woman also trying to lose weight on Duromine at about the same time that I am getting started and I'm going to use them too.

First are a couple of virtual models of me at my current weight of 120 kg. I'm going to be posting many of these models as my weight drops (hopefully!) For the first post, I will add in about eight images of me in jeans and a swimsuit, and later on, maybe only a couple each time.

For religious reasons, I have not worn a swimsuit since I was probably 11 after I reached puberty. But for the purpose of illustration and confidence-motivation for my weight loss journey, I will allow the virtual me to do something that I can't in real life! By the way, I definitely do not think I look as sexy as my fat virtual models are.







And here's my weight loss ticker that will appear at the end of each post.